Growing Forward Personal Growth Services

It was about a year ago that I went through some great pain and intensity which I had no words for at that time.  I was in a program with Louise LeBrun called, “Engaging and Staying in a Tough Conversation.  Let me tell you that the pain that I experienced in those ‘tough’ conversations were real.  The pain of our past can cripple us and allow us to become very limited in our way of moving through the world.  “Keep it to yourself.  No one needs to know.  It’s really not all that big of a deal.”  If you keep it buried long enough, your secret (the ones that cause you to curl in on yourself) will be buried with you.  And that is a reality that I don’t plan on engaging in.

All this came back to me a few minutes ago when I read two of Louise’s blogs.  http://louiselebrun.wordpress.com/2008/04/24/radical-yousay/

http://www.louiselebrun.com/WomenGathering/?p=43

I was in a conversation with a client today and became shocked at the depth of our willingness to stay in situations which are volatile.  We say that we’re doing it for the good of our children when we’re doing it because of our own fear of the unknown.  What will our lives look like if I leave the person behind that I thought was….you fill in the blank?  But what do our lives look like when we choose to stay and wait it out?

I’m all too familiar with this experience in the body because I have been there.  I have used my own life as a road map to work with other women and I’m still discovering things about my own life as I engage with other women and move forward.  I’m very clear that, “This is My Life…And You Can’t Have It!”

I share my experiences with others so that they know that it’s the tough choices that we make that are the ones that will propel our lives forward. 

When I work with clients or friends for that matter, I say that I play hard ball.  And today I did and the tears revealed by my friend told me that her pain was there.  We know what it is that we have to do yet we get so involved in the stories surrounding the situation, that it’s as though we forget what it is that we have to do to go forward.  I really don’t think that we’re suckers for punishment however I know that we work with what we already know.  What we’ve been taught through the years to believe is what we have to do.  The fear of the unknown can be scary and I can tell you that it also can transform your life in seconds.

I look back through my own life and discover the intelligence behind getting caught up in the stories and in other people’s lives.  Yes, there is intelligence there.  When I was so busy and preoccupied with other people’s lives, I didn’t have time to look at my own and realize that it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.  My life wasnt bad but I’m honest enough to say that it wasn’t great either.

We try so hard to convince ourselves that our relationships are good and we get along with family just fine,  When in reality we no longer know the person that sleeps next to us and our families still see us as the same people that they grew up with. - We lay side by side and are asleep to all of the things that were and forget that somewhere along the line we stopped talking to each other about the things that are important to us.

My own life has changed quite a bit over the past 18 months and I own it to myself.  There was no one there with directions to tell me what to do however, I do now have a great friend who offers me gentle suggestions and it is of my own choosing what it is that I do with those suggestions.

I don’t tell anyone what to do in my ‘business’ because I’m quite familiar with how I used to react when people would tell me what to do.  Nasty!!!!  We are the ones that have the best advise for ourselves.  As I listen more and more to my own words, there is no way that I can stay asleep any longer to those things in my life that light me up. 

All we have to know is that, “It’s My Life….AND You Can’t Have it.”

It doesn’t have to be rude or harsh in any way.  I know that for myself it’s all about the delivery.  I don’t deliver anything that I wouldn’t want to be receiving.  And here’s the thing.  I’ve learned that it’s o.k. to say, “No.”  It’s o.k. to say, “Not interested.”  And as Louise has pointed out many times, “Sometimes we have to vote with our feet.” 

When someone is doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable, why not simple choose to not stay in the conversation and say, “ya know what, I’m not enjoying this and I really need to go for a walk.” (or whatever feels right for you).  I spoke with someone last week and her belief is that- that was just walking away and not dealing with the situation.  Well here’s the thing, if the situation is shutting you down and you’re just staying listen/watching the other person be abusive towards you(and curling in towards yourself)…thank-you very much but I’ll be voting with my feet.  “Not Interested.” 

Letting Go Of The Past AND…Growing Forward.

Amy

I went to bed about a half hour ago and opted to read in bed which I never do.  Not to mention that I also opted to read a Spa magazine which I’ve never read in my life.

As I engaged with my lower self and allowed myself to experience what I was called to, I realized that this is something that I rarely do.  And then it came to me.

On Saturday in the Huna Retreat (http://www.louiselebrun.com/Experience/HunaHS.htm)  we took a pause before the evening for the higher self connection.  Louise suggested that we do whatever we’re called to do to engage with the lower self. 

Well I must say that I was more ready than I ever thought was possible.  I had planned on going into Kona to do some shopping, something else that I never allow myself to take pleasure in.  I already knew what I was going to get before I even got there even though I wasn’t quite sure what it was going to look like.

A new dress.  Red was calling to me as I embraced my fire energy on the fire Island.  Sure enough I found what I was looking for (and if you’d like to see it…look for me on facebook -  http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1053696417  )   and I was very excited about my find. 

It’s bright and full of energy and I felt fully alive before I put it on and then my ‘mana’ embraced the dress and I became even more alive.  As I sit here I feel the energy literally pulsing through my body remembering the excitement that I felt and still feel. 

I take a deep breath and tonight I understand the importance of engaging with the lower self.  Things are coming up for me which I didn’t really understand or have the experience of in my body before.  Now I do.  Thinking about the excitement that pulsed through my body by simply investing in my lower self (at the environmental level) there was a sense of fulfillment that ran through my body which I never recognized until that afternoon.  Now…I get it. 

What I discovered (and this is about my discovery and what comes up for me), is that when I choose to engage with the lower self and follow my body’s lead, I feel fulfilled.  This is a sense of fulfillment which I believe for myself must be met before I’m to attain the Endless Possibilities that I know are out there for me…the ones which I’ll create for myself.  I AM most certainly Enlivened Possibilities and now I’m more than what I believed myself to be – just a half hour ago.  Hmmm, not too bad!

For all of those years I focused on being practical I know that I rarely had fun.  I’m not going to say that life was the pits because it wasn’t by any means.  However now I know the ‘more’ that I can experience by following my wants…and not only my needs.  

So guess what????  To hell with being practical.  Tomorrow I’m going out to purchase some fancy/nice/pretty summer toe-thongs.    (I used to call them flip flops but now…Toe-Thongs it is!)

How can I fully engage in Endless Possibilities if I’m not allowing myself to tickle my senses at the environmental level?

The Huna Retreat in Hawaii with Louise (& Paul) was quite the experience and I fully engaged and continue to do so.  That’s what it takes to create the world that I’m going to create.  What does it look like?  I don’t know yet – but one thing that I’m sure of.  It will be of my own creation.

Aloha & Mahalo!

Letting Go Of The Past AND…Growing Forward.

Amy

I just came back from spending a week on the Big Island of Hawaii.  I spent the week at the wonderful Mauna Lani Resort on The Kohala Coast, Island of Hawaii and it was absolutely fantastic.

This experience cannot be compared to anything that I’ve done in the past because of its magnitude in my life.  A first time going to Hawaii – A first time on a Catamaran – A first time snorkeling – A first time seeing Honu (Hawaiian: Green Sea Turtles) – A first time seeing black crabs and I could go on and on because this was the first of many things for me and it won’t be the only “firsts” in my life.

I was engaging in conversation with someone the other day and they made the comment, “You must have felt so insignificant in the middle of everything?” 

My response was simple.  “No actually.  I felt very powerful.”

None of this would have even taken place in my life if I hadn’t responded to and email that I received back in June of last year.  I could have chosen to read it and press delete.  However as I read the email and got excited and I could feel the excitement surging through my body.  There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that I would be going to Hawaii.  The details of how it was going to happen seemed irrelevant to me then and I trusted that it would somehow unfold for me.

No one makes my life happen for me however I’m quite clear that opportunities present themselves and it’s up to me to choose whether I engage or not.  And either way, it’s my choice and from that choice point I create the out come.  This time it was quite a pleasant one and one that I will remember for a long time.

On the flight back at one of our stop-overs, my daughter kept asking me “What was the most exciting thing about the trip?”  What a difficult question it was for me until I realized – that too was simple.  “I went to Hawaii.”  Without going to Hawaii I would have never experienced all of the things that I did.  Well maybe I would have but there’s a good chance that it may have taken longer to manifest in my life.

I saw the Honu swimming playfully in the water and they weren’t in a zoo with tons of people grabbing and poking at them.  I saw beautiful bright red birds visit me on my balcony almost every morning.  I saw beautiful yellow birds fly up to say hello just because they wanted to. 

I witnessed a world without boundaries set by man – only by nature.  I tickled my visual senses by what I witnessed everyday.  I delighted in the elements.  Imagine standing on Lava Rock in the ocean, warm breeze blowing your hair and caressing your face as you stand and look at the magnificence of the mountains that surround you.  Earth - Air – Water and Fire and all I had to do was stand there and breath in the true beauty that surrounded me.

The snorkeling was wonderful.  By time I decided that…”well maybe I will get in the water,” everyone was already in.  As I stood on the upper level of the FairWinds II, I witnessed everyone swimming and taking pleasure in what they were seeing.  “What was it that they were seeing that I wasn’t?”  Well, only one way to find out.  I grabbed my snorkel and fins and made my way down the stairs.  As I clutched my gear close to my chest, I stood still debating on whether I was going to do this or not – when Captain Kirk (yes ’Captain Kirk’) noticed me standing there gazing at the water.  “Are you getting in???  I smiled and said, “Not sure yet.”  He smiled and asked if it was my first time snorkeling.  I laughed and said, “Yes it is and I don’t particularly like the water and slimy things in the water.”  He laughed and gave me some reassuring words, helped me with my mask and gave me some tips and off I went.

Here I was swimming in a hundred feet of water with beautiful tropical fish swimming all around me.  A hundred feet down was the ocean floor which looked like it was only 10 feet away.  Crystal clear water - fish happy to see that there were some new fish in the water to see…and I was one of them.

There is so much that I want to share and I will but for now my body is telling me that it’s time to rest and dream of what else there is for me to create.

I welcome the thought of someone offering me the thought of being/feeling insignificant…because without that thought to ponder, I would have never realized how magnificent I am for choosing to create such and incredible experience.

Mahalo to Louise and Paul for presenting this opportunity.

Letting Go Of The Past AND…Growing Forward.

Amy  

    I’m sitting in the incredible lobby of the Mauna Lani Bay Resort.  In front of me is a magnificent water fall.  To my left is a pond with live fish.  To my right there’s another water fall and a pond.  Plants surround me and flying birds remind me that this is my place to begin to take flight.

Life is effortless here.  As I sit here surrounded by life, living creatures and plants – I’m also reminded of how alive that I truly feel right now.  THIS IS…an Island Paradise.

Yesterday we took a little drive up the road to the shops that are on the property.  We also went to Food Land Farms (a little grocery store) and checked out the local fresh produce.  Everyone is so friendly and helpful.  I spoke with the cashier who was absolutely incredible and when we brought our stuff to her to check out, she asked me if I was here for pleasure or for a program.  I smiled and said, “Well for a program but also pleasure.”  Her response warmed my heart.  “Mahalo for having a program here.”  Such a nice way of saying, “Thank-you for being here.”

I asked her as she was scanning our groceries if there was a word for “please.”  She looked at me with a somewhat perplexed look.  “I don’t really think so.  Please…No – I don’t believe there’s a word for that.”  So she turned to another Hawaiian and asked them if they knew of one.  No, it would appear that there’s no word for please.

As I let the thought rumble through me I pondered over what it could possibly be about?  Why wouldn’t there be a word for “please?”  And then it came to me all to clear. 

When you live in a world of abundance where there is no lack of anything which is truly meaningful, why would there be a need to say please when all that you truly need for or want for – is provided?

In the Spirit of Aloha ~ Invite and allow, I only see endless possibilities.  I am thankful (to myself) for allowing myself what would appear to be a luxury life right now.  But is it?  Why can’t I have this feeling all of the time.  What is stopping me from living with(in) the Spirit of Aloha?

Yesterday I experienced some movement in my body which some would call, “sadness.”  Why can’t my husband and daughter see things the way that I do?  Well the answer is clear.  “They are not me.”  And I can choose to want them to see what I see and experience what I experience but I cannot create it for them-that must be a creation of their choosing.

As they appeared to have another “clash of the titans” this morning, I shared with my daughter some thoughts that I had.  She is only eleven and yet is wise beyond her years.  What I shared with her was something along this line.

“If you continue to see your father through the words that you choose to use, that is all that you’ll ever see.  But if you look beyond that which is in front of your eyes and see deep into his soul and the person that you see he can be, then you will see him differently and hear things differently.” 

I see the godforce that my husband is.  I see the godforce that my daughter is.  But I cannot see it for them.  I can see their godforce because I see and feel the godforce that I am.  I cannot see in someone else that which I haven’t seen/felt in mySelf.

Because I love them so deeply, I experience great sadness in what I see (my perception only) of their unwillingness to see the beauty and greatness that they are to each other and everyone around them.  As I write this, I feel tears again as I ponder where in my life do I continue to do the same.

I know one thing for sure.  I cannot create for others that which I hold as meaningful for me.  They must create for themselves to experience it in their bodies.

So last night I was in conversation with a great friend of mine and he shared his personal experience with me and i allowed it to rumble through me last night and this morning.  And this is what I discovered for myself.

As much as I would love my husband and daughter to live in what my perception of the Spirit of Aloha is, they must find it on their own because their experience will be different than mine.  I cannot create something for someone else but I can create it for myself so that they too can see with their eyes that it doesn’t have to be difficult.

There is a good chance that my husband and daughter will never experience anything similar to what I do.  And I have to allow myself to accept that that is their choice and if I get caught up in how they choose to live – then it can only slow down what I am choosing to create for myself.

From Kona Hawaii at the Great…Mana Lani Bay Resort

Aloha!

Letting Go Of The Past AND…Growing Forward

Amy

   It seems that over the past few weeks that everyone seems to be making comments about how different we really are.  Yep, we’re not androids made on an assembly line, we’re human beings with different backgrounds – upbringings – history and we all have our own stories to tell.  AND…are we really all that different?

It’s not really difficult to notice that we all look different.  We open our mouths to talk and we all sound different.  We all have our own opinions.  AND each and everyone of us is unique. 

I remember when my daughter was just starting to really notice things.  I’ll pick a number cause I don’t remember exactly but lets say around the age of 2-3.  I remember showing her the skin on my arm.  And then making reference to her arm and then when her father came home doing the same.  So Meagan grew up knowing that even the people in her own family are different and we’re her parents.  So it’s pretty clear at that age when you can actually ’show’ a child that we’re all different that it’s quite normal for us to not worry so much about how our appearance is. 

I also told her that ‘fat’ is something that is found on the meat/fish/chicken that you’re eating.  People are not fat – they are different.  Not one of us has the same skin, body, looks and well…you get the picture.

So great…we’re all different and I’m very clear on that.  But what ever happened to noticing that we’re all so similar as well?

We all get up in the morning, if we wear pants we put our legs in one leg at a time.  If we were dresses you either pull them over your head or pull them on.  We all eat, drink and again the list goes on and on.

We also have some family history.  Whether adopted or not we have history.  We have stories.  And we all have things that we’d rather not talk about because it causes us so much pain.  We’re really not all that different.

Embrace our differences!  Hey….how about, “Embrace our Similarities?”

We’re all reflections of each other and although our experience may be somewhat different, it’s still very similar.  The degree of what we go through in our personal lives will vary however we share a common thread.  “We’re all human beings.”  Or Spirit beings living a human experience.  No matter how you put it, we have a lot in common with each other.

I’ve been in rooms where women gather and engage in meaningful conversations.  That means we talk about ourselves.  Think about it?  Really?  We – Ourselves are interesting beings and yet we seem to keep it a secret because our experience might be similar but it’s different and others wouldn’t understand.  Bull Pucky!

It’s time that you and I pulled our heads from out of the sand and realized that we’re all very much the same and very much different.  We’ve all gone through some sort of pain in our lives and runs deep through our veins.  Our pain is unique to us because it is ours AND someone else may have very well experienced something similar but different because it happened to them.  But if we just opened up and started talking and sharing with each other we’d realize that we have a lot in common – A lot of similarities.

So…Are We Really All That Different?

Not on my holodeck.  Take a look at people around you.  Look at someone that has similar colouring to you – whether hair or skin.  Chances are you’ll see that you’re not at all a like and yet…you may share a lot.  Let go of the way you were brought up to see things and put on new glasses and see through new lenses.  You’ll be amazed at what you discover about yourself and others.

Letting Go Of The Past AND…Growing Forward.

Amy

     I was having a conversation with a really great woman the other day and I was reminded of how willing we are to Contort ourselves into pretzels for the sake of others.  We take things that come out of someone else’s mouth as more important than what moves us in our own bodies.

Another person opens their mouth and shares with you what they’d like you to do.  You smile and take it into consideration and yet your whole body is telling you, “Not Friggin Likely.”  But what comes out or you mouth is, “Well I’ll have to think about it.  or you start feeling the need to justify yourself as to why you can’t do something.”

How about, “No – Not Interested” and be able to leave it at that.  When I’m working with clients it’s amazing to me how unwilling we are to simply say, “NO.”  You don’t have to have a nasty deliver when saying no. 

If there’s something that we don’t want to do or something doesn’t feel right for us anymore (because we are aloud to change our minds) but don’t feel comfortable with sharing it with people because of what they may think, somehow things happen (and we just don’t seem to know why) that will bring us into alignment with more of what we’re looking for or what to say.

What came out of this woman’s mouth was, “I’m not making up excuses it’s just that things are starting to happen so that I can no longer …………………………..(you fill in the blank for you).  Interesting because I didn’t see her making up excuses as much as manifesting situation that would take her to where/what she wanted to say in the first place.  “No Thank-you…I’m not interested.”

Imagine how much easier it would be if we simply did say no when we wanted to?  However we continue to contort ourselves into pretzels for the sake of what others may think (or how they will judge us).

Wow!  As I sit here writing it is so clear to me what aspects of my consciousness this woman is.  This is a holographic universe and we are reflections of each other.  I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again …because this is about me, “What comes out of my mouth is about me…and what comes out of your mouth is about you.”

Louise LeBrun says it best in her “Declaration of Evolution by Intention™”, ( http://www.wel-systems.com/declaration.htm    “What you think of me is none of my business.”

I encourage anyone who has not seen/read this to go to the link above and read it.  Let it rumble around to see what comes up for you.  Whether it’s The Declaration of Evolution by Intention™ or one of Louise’s books, allow what you read to penetrate the pores of old beliefs that you’ve held for so long.

To be honest, I can’t say that I’m cured of being a contortionist because I’m not quite yet but it’s close.  Buried deep in the tissue of my being, there’s many old beliefs that are still nagging me but I know that they’re there.  For everyone that comes up and for everyone that I acknowledge and choose something that is different, a new beginning will happen and the tissue of my body changes.

Suggestions…and that’s what I offer because I’m not into telling you what you should do with your life, Pay Attention to what comes out of your mouth.  Because as much as you may believe that you’re voicing someones else’s opinion of what they fear or can’t move through…guess what?  Everything that is coming out of your mouth is about you and not someone else.

So I mean that wholeheartedly.  Look at what I wrote about “Contorting Ourselves.”  It really is what I recognized in another person because it is “that” which was an aspect of my consciousness…simply said, “It’s all about me.”  I have a great history of being a contortionist and I must say that I’m almost cured.  BUT the scary thing is, it’s only almost which means that I still do it somewhere in my life.  THAT – I need to pay attention to.  History only repeats itself if I say so or let it.  Check out the Declaration of Evolution by Intention™  it is clearly stated there.  ”

Letting Go of The Past AND…Growing Forward.

Amy