Growing Forward Personal Growth Services

I’ve met with quite a few individuals over the past couple of years and some have home schooled their children.  And these are parents that have been bringing their children to me to do Bio-Energetic testing on – because the children seem to have health issues that just won’t go away.  Up until today I would have still considered Home Schooling to be a great option no matter what.  Hmmm…No matter what?  Well today I had a whole new experience and discovered that although we may be looking out for our children and their best interest - choosing what we feel is best for them, are we actually considering what the child wants.  AND our children (no matter what their age) have an opinion on what ‘feels’ right for them and what doesn’t.  So saying this, “Are we doing what’s right for our children or offering (or dictating to them) something that we ourselves would have much preferred as a child?

We see our children laugh and cry and therefore know that they experience pain and have feelings the same way that we do no matter what their age.  So would it be too far fetched to consider that we should be asking them what their thoughts are about different situations that involve their lives, instead of ‘assuming’ that we know know best because, “I’m your mother…I know what’s best for you.”  But the question that I put out there for your consideration again is, “Do we know what’s best for our children?” 

When you think back to when your were a child, did your parents make choices for you that better served you or them?  And was your opinion ever considered when you were a child?   These are very important questions because based on these, we choose how to parent.  If we parent from what we experienced when we were children or what we would have liked to have experienced, we will be creating a childhood for our children that we never had.  Now really stop and let that rumble around your body and pay attention to the words because I just wrote them and I’m surprising myself as I write.  This is not a so far fetched ‘notion’ at all, is it?”

I’m sitting here baffled by what I just wrote because it just reveled a lot to me.  Consider this, assuming we use what I just wrote about “creating a childhood for our children that we never had” consider the following.

Think of your own personal experience and then also consider that your partner is reflecting on their childhood.  Two totally different experiences and we’re trying to create a meaningful life for our children based on both or our experiences.  Wow!  Now wonder our children get confused at times.  Is it any wonder why as parents we argue at times.  One sees pink the other sees blue and their both right based on their perception on what they see, hear and feel.  So two different people quite often are going to have two very different experiences.  And my question is, “Where does it leave our children?”

Letting Go Of The Past AND…GROWING FORWARD.

Amy

My friend Marie and I have decided to do our own (unscientific) experiment every month.  Between us we will experience something new every month (which means between us that’s ‘two’ new things) and then we’ll blog about it and share our experience of it with you.

We also encourage you to go out and experience something new as well and share it with us. 

So yesterday I went to Pure Energy ~ hair & Body Spa and I experienced for the first time in my life, an ‘Aveda Hydrotherm Massage.’  What an incredible treat this was and I know that I’ll be going for one again but it will be probably when the cooler weather comes in.  So here is a description that they give of it and then I’ll share my experience of it.

“Exclusive to Aveda Lifestyle Salon and Spas.  Discover a new dimension to the nurturing art of massage.  Warm water filled cushions cradle your body creating warmth from head to toe, easing the strain on muscles as your Spa Therapist reaches deeply stressed areas.  All of the benefits of traditional massage, without the normal challenges.  No turning over, no face cradles – just uninterrupted relaxation.  Designed for maximum comfort, Hydrotherm changes your perception of massage.”

So I have to say that although my intention was to go for a massage, it was more of an experience.  Even the owner is there to great you when you walk through the doors.  This is certainly something that I’ve never seen.  Of course there’s paper work to fill out because it was my first time going to this Spa.  When they handed me a sheet on how my skin felt on my face, I thought…Ummm, I don’t think I need this.  Well guess what?  I did.  As explained by Breanne, they’re looking at bringing balance back to your body – so yes in fact they did need to know how I was feeling yesterday, Body – Mind and Spirit because that is how they work.  Pure Energy offers a holistic spa experience and let me tell you that it is, an experience.   

After I filled everything out, I go out back to the treatment room.  As I walk in, I see a large bowl on the floor in-front of an incredible comfy chair.  Hmmm, a foot soak to get me started.  Whoohooo!   They already had me at ‘Hello’ as I walked through the door but Oh my…there’s more.   As I’m soaking my feet (with smooth stones in the bottom of the container) my senses continue to be stimulated.  Breanne asks me to close my eyes as she chooses three different oils to see which one will bring balance to me.  I close my eyes and inhale.  I take a deep breath, and the wave carries me to a state of relaxation.  Now there’s two more oils to try and the answer was No, to the others. This was so much more than I could have ever imagined.  Before I forget I have to share this as well.  The oil that they use to nurture your body and soul, is…heated.  Yessss, indeed ‘heated.’  Talk about relaxing.  The owner and Breanne talked about a “Sensory Journey” and let me tell you, that is exactly what this experience is.

I’ve heard of Aveda products before and I didn’t know what they were about. ”Pure Energy” offers organic plant based hair care, make-up, spa and wellness products to support your life style…AND, it’s apparent from the moment you walk through the doors.

An incredible journey was what I experienced and I’m going to share my experience with everyone that I know.  I’ve never felt more relaxed after a massage than I did yesterday.  Because I didn’t have to ‘flip over’ I was able to truly relax.  This is a new massage which will definitely change your perception of what a massage is or can be. 

Letting Go Of The Past AND…Growing Forward.

Amy

Today when I was reading and had paused for a moment, I pondered over something.

“Why is it as we inhale – exhale and make choices moment to moment and breath to breath, that we can’t see (or choose not to) that we’re responsible for the outcomes in our lives?”

Letting Go of the Past AND…Growing Forward.

Amy

       A couple of days ago my daughter was reading a book and said that when she was done that I should read it.  Of course this isn’t so unusual because she loves reading and thinks that I should read everything that she does.  So she told me a little bit about the book as she was reading it.  Sometimes there were tears and sometimes laughter as she read along.  So it’s now my turn to read the book and I just started reading chapter two and a not so long ago memory flashed before my eyes.  I was reminded why children can be so cruel sometimes and where they learn it first.

My daughter was over at a friends place for a birthday party and there were boys there as well.  At 8:30  the parents came to pick the boys up and the girls stayed over.  I’m fortunate enough to know one of the boys a little bit having met him a few times.  He has this incredible sense of humour and whit.  He seems so in-touch with who he is in the world and I think that is fabulous at such a young age.

The next morning I drove out to pick my daughter up and while the girls were organizing there stuff, the dad did a recap of the night before.  He was saying how well everyone had gotten a long and that there was no doubt of course because the boys are real, “girly boys.”   Hmmm, that didn’t really sit so well with me.  I smiled and said, “Well I wouldn’t call them that but I can tell you that one of them is an incredible person and doesn’t seem to treat anyone any different whether it’s a girl or a boy.”  I remember having a conversation with this young man (that was supposed to be a ‘girly boy’) when I drove him and my daughter to the movies.  I just had to laugh as he was so spontaneous and funny and sincere.  Rather sad that an adult would stop to ‘label’ that kind of genius in a child.

So I realized that even though as parents we want our kids to grow up without judgement and to treat others as you’d like them to treat you, are we really practicing what we preach?  Well I’d say that I got the answer to that early on a Sunday morning and it wasn’t “out of the mouths of babes.”  Unfortunately it was from an adult. 

We become so surprised when our children come out with things which we may consider to be inappropriate and we’re also quick to say that they learned it at school.  Yes, there’s a good chance that they learned some of it at school and what I know is that in Meagan’s early years she spent most of her time around my husband and I.  So instead of looking shocked when she comes out and says something which I may find inappropriate, I need not look any further than my husband and I to see when we use a particular word or sentence.

Children are what they learn.  This is very useful to remember because we were once children ourselves.  So it is possible that what we’re bringing forward with us and teaching our children, really has nothing to do with our beliefs rather they belong to someone else from our past.  We need to stop and listen to what we say and possibly choose something different, something more in line with ‘our’ way of thinking or feeling.

I can personally look back on my childhood and say that there are somethings that I may do now that my parents did – and I only do them because they feel right for me.  And on the very same token, there are many things that I don’t do because they definitely don’t feel right.  As parents I believe that we need pay attention to not only what we do but really listen to the words that are coming out of our mouths.  Then maybe we wouldn’t be so surprised when we hear our children use the same language. 

Children learn before they even leave the womb so it’s up to us to pay attention to what it is we’re teaching them.  And what we’re teaching them…well sometimes just isn’t that useful. 

A couple of days ago I was listening to a conversation someone was having with another adult.  The words were hurtful and I felt sad for the other person and then realized that we’re so used to saying things that we think as being funny, that we don’t stop to consider how would we feel if someone said those things to us.  “Who will be working tomorrow if I need to leave? -  I will.  - Somehow that just doesn’t feel comforting to me…(and then there’s laughter by that person.”  I could sense the other persons pain just by her reaction. 

It’s a shame that we don’t truly pay attention to what comes out of our mouths.  We’re not only rude to our children (and I’ve been equally guilty of it…and I now choose differently), but we’re rude to each other and we knock ourselves down.  “How could I have been so stupid?” – “I can’t believe that I did that.”  It’s time to pay attention to the conversations that we’re having with ourselves and others. 

Remembering a cartoon I bought for my daughter when she was little is one that I think that as adults may be useful to watch.  They sang a song and the words were, “Stop – look  and listen, it makes good manners.”  Well if we Stop (before we speak), Look (at the individual in front of us and truly ’see’ them) and Listen to the words we’re saying, we’ll probably choose different words. 

Something that I share with my clients is that when you’re talking to someone, picture a mirror in-front of your face.  Trust me…you’ll stop and pay attention to the words that you’re going to use and you may not end up saying a thing and instead – taking a deep breath and walking away. 

Letting Go Of The Past AND…Growing Forward

Amy 

Welcome to
Growing Forward ~ Personal Growth Service.  

Growing Forward ~ Personal Growth Services
1153 Cole Harbour Road
Dartmouth N.S.
B2V 1E8
www.thepowerlieswithin.com
              902-832-9332       

  My daughter brought home a binder from school today.  It’s a review of what they’ve been doing in class and on the very first page is a question for the parents.  “What did you like about what you’ve seen?”  So I sat down and went through it and I stopped and smiled.  My chest was full of pride and right now I have water in my eyes.

What I read was an essay that she had done in Class.  Who do you admire?   The students could write about singers, movie stars anyone that inspired them.  Some kids picked singers, actors and all kinds of celebrities – and why not?  However my daughter wrote, “J’admire…Amy McNaughton.”  As I read on I knew that my daughter is seeing me through different eyes.  There’s so many incredible people in Meagan’s life and she could have picked any one of them but she didn’t.  She picked me.  I wonder as I sit here writing if it has anything to do with the fact that she can see me as, “Amy McNaughton” and not only as ”Mom?”

I’ve had many conversations with people because I have given her an opportunity to call me by name.  “It’s shocking, it just isn’t right, she has no respect for you by calling you by your name?”   Hmmm, In-fact it’s quite the opposite.  Not only does she respect who I am, she respects different aspects of who I am.  As her mom, as a business woman and as a friend.  She’s able to see me in so many ways and realizes that I’m still one person.  I don’t change the way that I speak when I talk with her, my husband or my clients.  

What if we were to open up and be seen for who we are instead of all the limiting labels that we wear and seem to enjoy wearing?  I’m more than proud to be Meagan’s mother and when we go out, I’m equally proud when she says I’m her best friend.  I know that when I was eleven, my mother wasn’t my best friend and that’s o.k. however it is quite an experience when you hear it from your daughter’s mouth. 

It’s quite interesting - why should others be offended when my daughter calls me Amy when I’m not offended?  Ya know I call Meagan by her name too, I don’t call her ‘daughter.’  Why do we get so hung up on names, titles, positions.  None of those things are what define who we are in our lives. 

 Whether it’s family,  work, surveys-no matter what we do there’s someone or something there to try and have us ‘fit’ into a box of what some call “Normal”.  I get annoyed with these surveys that make me choose whether I’m Mrs. – Miss – Ms – Dr. and it goes on.  Why can’t I be ‘Amy?’  It’s bloody well ridiculous.  Then there’s work.  full-time, part-time, casual etc.  We’re brought up knowing that with each of these ‘labels’ there’s a certain way that is acceptable to do things and a certain way that isn’t.  Isn’t it a shame that we get recognized for ‘what’ we are rather than ‘who’ we are in the world.  Do we make a difference in other’s lives just because we’re being ourselves?  Or does the impact that we have on other’s have to do with our title or position?  And better yet.  How do we see ourselves?  Are we defined by our position and titles? 

Remembering Who We Are may be our biggest challenge yet.

Letting Go Of The Past AND…Growing Forward

Amy

As I continue to engage with clients, it’s clear to me that the pain and the guilt from our past if not seen through new lenses – will manifest into some kind of disease in the body.  And I speak from experience.  If we choose to continue to look at our illnesses as something that is heredity or ‘caught’ from someone else, we will never rightfully claim the pain and the shame that we continue to carry forward.  I’m all about moving forward or “Growing Forward” but as I move and grow forward, it is with new awareness of how much our past makes an impact on our health and our life.

In my line of business I meet so many incredible people and some who cannot see the incredible gift that they are to others.  And I know this to be true for it is one of the many experiences that I’ve held in my own body and some which I continue to hold.  Perhaps I still hold onto some because there is still so much to learn and so I welcome each and every opportunity that I create for myself to learn and experience life/health through new lenses.

The way I move through my world now has nothing to do with coincidence.  We learn from our past how to choose differently to create a different outcome.  And should we continue to move through  the present with only our experience/knowledge of the past without any changes, we create the same (possibly) miserable lives that we continue to bitch and complain about.  And there is intelligence to all of it.  The past is a great ‘tool’ or ‘model’ for me to use when I look at what I already know and the outcome that it has provided.  It is up to me to choose differently to create the outcome that I would prefer.  There is no one outside of me that can ‘fix’ my life or my health.  I am the key to my own creations.  And what I choose to create is something different than what I already have had.

How do we choose to become parents?  We look at our past and remember our own experiences of what ‘felt’ good and what didn’t.  Our past is there as a tool to use as a reference and nothing more.  And how do we come sick?  We look at our past and remember our experience of what felt good and what didn’t.  And as we bring our pain, guilt, fear, shame etc., forward with us – we create an outcome of what we all have to to be familiar with as ‘dis-ease.’

It is no mistake to me that I am here today.  I was not a mistake.  I was someone’s creation/intention to bring someone into the world that would make a difference in other people’s lives.  Someone that would be kind and patient with them when others would give them the time of day or were too busy to listen to.

A friend of mine said something to me and it vibrated through my whole body and now I know why.

“How much better can it be - than being yourself?”  So, How much better can it be for me than being mySelf?  The answer is simple, “There is nothing better than me being me” because then I allow others  to know that it’s the greatest gift the I/they can give myself/ourselves and the people that we love.

We are all so incredible and it’s not enough for others to tell us, we have to know it with every ounce of our being.

Letting Go Of The Past AND…Growing Forward.

Amy

p.s. A special thanks to my client who reminded me how incredible we all truly are.

I used to get wrapped up in stories.  Stories at work, with family and with friends.  It seems like there’s always a story about some one or something going around.  The thing is, we really don’t know where the story started (and we usually don’t care) and if life isn’t exciting enough we start our own stories.

Last week I was having a conversation with someone and they shared a ’story’ with me which was different than a similar one that they had shared with me a week before.  I asked where they had heard this and I was told that it was from the same person that they had heard something different from before.  Talk about insanity.  The funny thing is that we don’t really believe ‘the story’ most of the time unless it ’suites’ our needs.  And then if it doesn’t…we change the story.  Man this is beyond crazy making.

It’s simple to me.  My life is about me and if anyone wants to know what is going on in my life, then by all means…ask.  And your life is about you so do you really need stories that other people are ‘making’ up about your life or anyone else’s for that matter?  If you want to know the truth, go ask the person.  And maybe they won’t share the truth and chances are that you’ll be able to sense it in your own body whether it is in-deed the truth or just another story.

I have to say that the truth is much more interesting than ‘a story.’  Another thing is that we’ve spent so much of our lives lying to ourselves and each other that when we hear the truth – we haven’t a clue what to do with it.  It’s shocking.  “Oh my god…I can’t believe you just said that.”  I’ve had so many people react because I’ve told the truth and I have to say that I find it humorous.  So “Truth Be Told,” there’s nothing quite as exciting as the truth.  Not to mention that you feel a lot different when you tell the truth cause you don’t have to worry about when someone realizes that you’re telling the truth.

All through my life I have heard people say (I too have said it myself and…no longer do), that I didn’t tell them the truth for their own good.  Hmmmm, the fact would be -that I didn’t tell them the truth because I was uncomfortable doing it.  It had absolutely nothing to do with what was good for the other person.  Even though we try to convince ourselves different, the truth is in the back ground nagging at us to bring it up.  What about when someone finds out that you’ve lied?   Ouch!  They don’t usually care that you had their best interest in mind.  “I just didn’t want to upset you.”  Well, how bizarre is that?  The truth sometimes doesn’t always feel the greatest but people can move on with their lives and so can you but lies just sit and fester and create something rather distasteful.  I don’t know about you but I’d rather create something fun and authentic.

There are some really funny expressions out there.  “Truth be told. – Are you sure you really want to hear this?”          Thank-you and I must say that I’d rather know “The truth of the matter.” 

We’ve learned so well from our past, growing up how to lie and know that in certain situations it’s acceptable – that we know longer feel that lying is all that bad, Of course that is until someone lies to us.

what a confusing world we live in.  Why do we choose to create such insanity?  So today, start telling the truth about everything.  To your partner, your children, your boss, your friends and anyone you meet.  After-all, it’s your truth and theirs may be different than yours and…it’s o.k.  This is something so simple and it has changed my life and it can change yours too.    You’ll also sleep better. 

If you want to read or hear something exciting, take a look at some of the blogs that are linked from this blog.  And I suggest that you don’t only read one, read them all because we’re all different and you’ll get a different feel for each and everyone of them and remember that your feelings are about you and not the person that wrote the blog…So don’t make up any stories. 

Letting Go Of The Past AND…GROWING FORWARD

Amy

      I watched a movie last week and something that one of the characters said really caught my attention.  “There are many ways to die.  The challenge though is how do we live.”

I can still see the character in my mind and I still feel the words vibrating through my body.  My last post I wrote I said, “It’s my life …AND You Can’t Have It” and there’s a reason for that.  I finally have a life of my own, not based on old beliefs. So my life is of my own creation now and I’m not willing to surrender it to anyone else to make them feel better about themselves.

I’m tired of hearing, “I’m so jealous.”  Why would anyone be jealous when you can create your world however you want?  It is a challenge living the way that I do because I have to stay awake and completely aware that if I’m in a state of confusion, that I’ve created it on my own.  No one has offered assistance however I know that the choices that I make each and everyday create my world so it’s important for me to choose what feels right for me.  Not what feels right for you.  So simply put in a everyday life scenario, it would be not responding to an email that didn’t make you feel great when you read it.  Look at it and see what information it has to offer you and then…press delete.  when the phone rings and you don’t feel like talking to someone at that point, don’t pick up the phone.

It’s simple.  Only do what is meaningful or fun because otherwise rest assured that you create an outcome for yourself that will probably suck!  Sooo, don’t be jealous just don’t choose things that will create a sucky day.   

So here I am with all of my imperfections and warts (thanks Louise), and I’m not here for anyone else but me.  I blog and share my discoveries about myself and things that happen around me.  Some times I word things in a way that people say, “That’s not proper English.”  Guess what?  When I wrote it, maybe I just wasn’t feeling that ‘proper.’  Sometimes I make spelling mistakes (thanks Maureen) and guess what?  It’s not about the spelling mistakes for me.  for me it’s about stepping out of my comfort zone and being seen for who I am.  With all my warts and imperfections, with improper grammar/improper spelling and so one.  And it’s not about any of that.

I used to worry so much about what other people thought of me and I realize now that I slowed myself down, contorted myself into a pretzel for others and then got pissed because they didn’t see what I had done for them. Why?  Because they never asked me to do any of it.  I made up stories about why I was doing it, AND…that is not living.  Let me tell you an authentic story of what happened on my way driving my daughter to school last week.

It was heavy traffic and I saw this man wanting to get out of the apartment parking lot.  I look in my rear view mirror and the traffic is lined up as far as I can see.  I look in front of me and see the same thing.  So I thought (the intellect just kicked in and that my dear friend is when being genuine gets put aside), I better let him in cause no one else will.  And so I did.  AND…he didn’t even say thank-you.  No nod, no wave of the hand and I was pissed and verbalized it.  “Hey buddy, (talking out loud to myself in the car as my daughter watched and listen…very educational don’t you think?   )  I didn’t let you in because I had to, I let you in because I wanted to.  As the words came out of my mouth I turned to my daughter with big eyes and said, “ooohhh, that was a lie.”  She looked at me and said, “What do you mean?”  Here’s the thing.  If I honestly wanted to let him in, I wouldn’t have been looking for a ‘thank-you’ and…I wouldn’t have been bitching about the fact that there was no acknowledgement. 

So living is a challenge and it’s one that I’m up to.  And I’m aware that my life is of my choosing.  So today I made a little list of things that I’d like to do - fully aware that I can change my mind at any point should those things become no longer fun or meaningful for me.  I stop, ponder and then choose what I’m going to do.  And I do it based on my own needs/wants, not someone else’s.  You have your own life and I don’t need to make my choices based on my perception of your life…AND I don’t expect anyone to make their choices based on their perception of my life.  I’ll live my life of my choosing and I’d suggest that you do the same.

Letting Go Of The Past AND…GROWING FORWARD

Amy