Growing Forward Personal Growth Services

I received an email from a friend of mine today with a link for a segment done on PBS on Medicating our children.  As I sit here replaying some of what I heard I feel tears welling up and I have to stop and remember to breath.  One parent said, “he takes this drug to help him sleep, he takes this drug so he doesn’t have tantrums – I don’t know how we’d function as a family if he wasn’t drugged.”

As I listened to all of the diagnoses being presented I fill sick and feel the urge to cry.  And yes, I’m being emotional so I should take something for that right?  Wrong. 

Children at the age of 2 are now being diagnosed as bi-polar.  Can you believe it?  They even said that there really isn’t a ‘true’ testing for bipolar but they take a guess and choose what they think is their best drug.  And these are not my words, there theirs.  Hmmm, I feel saddened that society has come to a point where we look at our children and because we’re tired at the end of the day and would like nothing more than to go home, have a nap and relax that we find an alternative.  Drug the children.  Am I being harsh?  Honestly hearing statistics of over a million children now being labeled as bipolar, I don’t think so.

One thing seemed quite common amongst these families with ‘disfunctional’ children.  All these children were all born healthy and then something changed from the age of two onwards but no one has stopped yet to reflect on the child’s environment, home life.  We think that our children don’t know what’s going on but they do and they’re reacting to it.  As we go through our lives believing (because it’s easier) that our children don’t have a clue cause…they’re only children, be choose to believe that there’s something wrong with them and lord knows it has nothing to do with us.  Why should we claim responsibility for our children?  One couple said that by the time their son was ten years of age that he had already been on 8 different medications and he hadn’t started taking anything until he was two.  Interestingly enough, they gave him medication for one thing and then something else came up, so they gave him a new medication and then something came up after that and they kept repeating this cycle until one day they woke up and said, “What are all of these drugs doing to his body?”  I listened and thought, “Finally.”  And then the conversation continued.  They pulled the child off of all the medications and then declared that he is ‘only’ bipolar so now he only has to take lithium.  So now at the age of thirteen, this child doesn’t have a lot of control over holding his head because the muscles in his neck are screwed up from all of the meds.

This has been quite an enlightening show that I’ve witnessed.  They also said that some of these children gain a lot of weight and end up having diabetes.  However the fact that they show the child eating Pogo’s and drinking Gatorade couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the weight gain or behavior.  I don’t know about you but giving a child at the age of 3 or 4 Gatorade doesn’t rank high on my list.

I think of one of the parents stating that when the child’s’ medication wears off that his old behaviours return.  I’m curious.  How can a child’s’ old behaviours return when at the age of four they’ve been drugged for over two years already and haven’t even developed their own behaviours?

One doctor (a psychiatrist) says that he chooses a medication before he’s seen the child and has diagnosed them.  He chooses it based on tests that have been done (on the drug) and which drug is most commonly being used for a child of that age.

Wow, can you believe any of this?  Mood stabilizers for children.  The doctor also raves about that fact that there are so many new drugs to choose from now that they can try different ones until they get the one that works best.  If you ask me it sounds like rats that are being used in a lab.  Is that what we’ve reduced our children down to?  Rats?

Welcome to the Land of Drugs and the Home of the Free.  I know that our everyday lives may be less than perfect.  And I question the fact that so many children are now being drugged.  Since my start of my coaching business, I now know that the myth of the intact family is exactly that.  A myth. And it doesn’t mean by any means that by drugging our children that the ‘myth’ will change.  Fortunately 30-40 years ago drugs weren’t as prevalent as they are now otherwise I’m sure that all of my family would have been on some form of medication.  Of course it would be for depression and it would have had nothing to do with a father that hit us with a belt.  And it would have nothing to do with the fact that he yelled at the top of his lungs and we were scared.  No clearly our society has decided that parents have absolutely nothing to do with their child’s up bringing.  Well doesn’t that make me feel a whole lot better.  So I guess the minute that my daughter starts talking back to me (and really I doubt that she will) but at that point it should be time to take her to a doctor and have them medicate her right?  Not in this life.

I am saddened and furious by all of this.  One day these children will grow up (if they don’t end up committing suicide because they’re overwhelmed by all the drugs), and they’ll seek help to reclaim the life that they missed out on called childhood.

In a conversation with a client today I talked about how as parents we claim that our children are the future.  Great, and what are we teaching them?  That they’re less than perfect and can’t possibly function without drugs?  That if they don’t like how they feel that the answer is only a prescription away?

I say that if you’re children are ‘acting’ in a certain way and you don’t like it or find that it’s inappropriate – then maybe it’s time that you take a look at the environment that they live in.  Yes…the home.  If your children are always sick, pay attention.  If your children are always sleeping, pay attention.  If things simply don’t feel right, pay attention.

We’ve brought these incredible human beings into this world.  What are we doing to educate them and what are we doing so that they know they’re safe at home, in their environment all of the time?

Letting Go of The Past AND…GROWING FORWARD

Amy 

The past week or so has been a bit of a roller coaster ride for me.  And I don’t mean suicidal   rather there have been a lot of ups and downs.  I know that during these times is when I have my growth spurts.  I say growth spurts because they seem to come out of no where and then there’s a change that takes place quite quickly called evolution and within no time at all it feels like it has been this new way forever. 

Since starting my own personal quest, the most difficult thing for me has been to consider putting myself first in any and all situations.  Although it may sound selfish that has nothing to do with it whatsoever.  It’s a matter of considering my own feelings first.  If I’m happy inside, then that’s what I’m going to reflect ‘outside.’  And on the same token, if I’m not happy inside then that too reflects on the outside.  Sounds rather simple doesn’t it.  Ah yes!!!  But wait a minute, lets make it fun and interesting.   Lets add something called family.  Ah yes!!!!  Now good luck with that thought of putting yourself first and being happy. 

I’m not saying that bringing joy to others and doing things for others isn’t rewarding however you should really consider if you’re doing it because it makes you feel good on the inside or if you’re doing it because there’s a rule somewhere that says, “You need to do this cause she’s your mother.” - or “You need to wear old crappy underwear cause you have children and your children come first.”  Ya – ya, you know what I’m saying?  If you’re a mother (and I bet even if your children are all grown up), that there a good chance that you have old crappy underwear in your drawer cause now it’s just a habit.  And you may still not feel worthy of investing in yourself.  Now to let you know, this is all about me.  After all I’m choosing me first. 

So over the past week I’ve been looking through my dresser drawers saying, “I really need to get some new underwear.”  For god-sakes, it’s underwear.  It’s not buying a fur coat or a new car.  However I haven’t ventured out yet.  Now should my daughter need some sort of new clothing, you can bet your “@#&”(you fill in the blank) that I become the Great Houdini and produce whatever she needs in no time.   (I’m kind of magical that way). 

O.K. so that’s kind of o.k. if it’s your child that you’re doing this for right?  Maybe, maybe not.  However when you develop this generosity and it’s extended to your entire family (extended family as well) and your friends and your neighbors and your co-workers and and and.  NO!  IT’S NOT O.K. because one day I woke up and I was wearing a different hat and then no body liked it.  It started with a ”B” and it wasn’t “Beautiful” by any means. 

Although I’m playing a bit and talking about underwear, my point is that my life is personal to me and yet I have always put others first.  And it’s not because I’m just a super kind person, I was brought up a certain way, witnessed certain things and being ‘nice’ just seemed like the ‘nice’ thing to be.

When I was approaching my 40’s, I started looking at my life differently and I wasn’t really sure if I liked what I saw so I started my journey which meant I was on a Quest to discover something more.  I had no idea what the more was but I knew that I would know when I found it.  I did all kinds of studying, took all kinds of courses, read books, listened to CD’s and all kinds of stuff ad nauseam until I found what I was searching for.  And I AM the very thing that I was looking for.  It seems almost too simple and maybe arrogant to some however this is my own truth.

The most important thing to me about being alive is honesty.  Not only with others but with myself as well.  And that was something else that was a challenge for me.  At 4:30 this morning I finished writing (what I’ll call a document for now) and I became honest with myself in a whole different way.  I had to admit that I have been wanting to put myself first in all aspects of my life (including the mother and spouse side of things) and haven’t been.  So that makes for me and my body not being in balance.  For me to have balance in my life I need to create and do what it takes to have that.  And for me that means putting myself first.

To start off with let me say that, “I AM.”  I AM an Entrepreneurial Woman, I am a Leader, mother, wife, sister, aunt, friend and I’ve been an employee, co-worker and I’ve worn many, many other hats as well.  And during the day as I switch from one hat to the other I know that at the end of the day I am still Amy.  I am the same person no matter what I’m doing and the best way to be me, is by being myself an putting myself first.  When I choose me first, then I create a space for you to choose you first as well.  I know that we all contribute to each other in this world and I know that the best way to do that is by each and everyone of us considering to be honest all of the time and putting ourselves first.  I can’t help another until I help myself first.  I can’t make difference until I make a difference in my own life first. And I can’t consider others until I start considering myself first.

So starting right now, I’m “CHOOSING ME FIRST.”

Letting Go of The Past AND…Growing Forward.

Amy

Yesterday I had booked an appointment to see a doctor.  I kind of laughed as I thought about the whole thing because I haven’t been to see a doctor since January 2006.  This is a record for me because I used to be there all of the time.  ‘Sick’ seemed to be me middle name.  And yesterday, the only reason I was going (or so I thought) was to get a referral for a massage.  We have a plan where up to so many dollars are covered for massage so why not have it covered when we pay for it anyway?  Oh yes and by the way, I’m also very clear that being covered or not does not make an impact on whether or not I go.  It’s simple, I see (and feel) the benefits and so I go regardless. 

So as I’m sitting there waiting I started to look around the waiting room.  “Is it Flu? – Would your stomach pass the acid test? – Are you experiencing chest pain?  Have you been getting headaches?”  And the list goes on.  Sitting there I felt like it was an advertising space for anything other than “Health and Wellness.”  An older couple walked in and the woman sat beside me.  I smiled and said, “If you arrive feeling o.k. and start looking at all of these posters you’re bound to leave feeling like there has to be something wrong.”  she laughed and started looking around and she smiled and said, “yes, you’re right.”

Well after waiting for about a half hour I decided to see how far behind the doctor was running because I too had another appointment to go to.  Well as it turned out I opted to go back later on because I chose not to have my other appointment waiting for me.    So I return four hours later and got to pondering over the intelligence behind me returning to wait yet again.

This time as I sat there, I looked around the room and wondered why the individuals were there and I was curious if they would consider the fact that there are other ways of regaining your health?  So I sat there ‘observing’ and pondering this thought.  There was a little girl there maybe 3-4 and so full off wonder and cuteness.  I listened as I heard the words come out of her mother’s mouth.  “The doctor is gonna make you feel better.”  My eyebrow raised as I heard the little girls’ response.  “But mommy, I don’t feel sick.  I’m all better now.”  And who knows, maybe this little girl was feeling better and did she really need to see a doctor?

Then I realized why I was there.  I was there to confirm for myself that there is no one out there that can ‘fix’ me in here.  And isn’t it amazing that when my daughter was younger that I quite possibly told her the same thing.  And she now knows that she needs to pay attention to what is going on in her body instead of looking outside of her to see who else could make her better.  So at a young age we teach our children to not trust their own bodies but to know that someone else is ‘responsible’ for making them better.

As the waiting time starts to increase, the individuals are starting to get agitated but no problem…there’s a pill for that.    I too once sat there annoyed because I had to wait for the doctor to tell me what was wrong when really I already knew.  And there were times when my body was simply so exhausted and needed a day off but guess what…I needed a doctor’s note to prove I indeed needed to be off or I could not get the time off work.  Isn’t it interesting that we have to show some kind of ‘proof’ that we need to take a day or two off?  Guess we’ve been taught at such a young age to lie that it seems almost ‘legit’ to requier ‘proof’ and not to mention pretty sad.

My husband has been experiencing some back pain over the past week and his thoughts of what is going on  is different than mine.  However he has had some really great experiences in the past by going to see a chiropractor.  So I said to him, “Well if that is what you feel you need then do it.”  His response was quite interesting as I pondered over in only a short while ago.  “To go to see the chiropractor I’d have to go and see a doctor first and I’m not willing to waste my time.  And if I had to pay to see ‘that’ chiropractor, I wouldn’t go anyway.”

Hmmmm, how many times in our lives do we go to see the doctor because it’s paid for when we know that there are other options available but don’t see ourselves as worthy enough to invest in the alternative for the ‘good’ of our own health?  Hey!  I’m worthy.  Tomorrow morning I’m going to relax and have a facial, pedicure, aromatherapy massage, scalp massage and some other stuff done and…I’m not covered by any insurance to have this done and I’m doing it anyway.    If we just ‘allowed’ ourselves to do what we really feel would make us feel better ie; take a day off – go for a massage, I’m convinced that the doctor’s office would be empty.  Instead people sit there and complain about waiting so the doctor who is clearly not experiencing what is going on in your body can attempt to pick the right pill so that you’re symptoms will stop.  Your doctor isn’t ‘responsible’ for your health or your life.  Hey, check out some of these online dictionary meanings for ‘responsible.’     

Would you go to the doctor and ask them what’s wrong in your personal life?  Of course not.  But that indeed is what we’re doing when we’re asking them their opinion on our health.  Isn’t your health personal to you?  Shouldn’t you take on some kind of responsibility for what is going on in/with it?

Doctors don’t have crystal balls, they have prescription pads.  And we bitch and complain about our health care services because of the long waits and so many people are sick and blah, blah, blah.  Man!  Where does it end?  It’s no ones responsibility to ‘take care of you.’  Hmmm is that it?  As children we grow up and become adults and no one listens anymore so we seek what’s missing in our lives so we go to the doctor because our belief may be that ‘At least they listen?.’  If that’s the case and who knows, it very well could be and if it is “We’re in a sad state of affairs.”

Letting Go of The Past AND…Growing Forward.

Amy

I realized that when I wrote the other day that I made a lot of points about the parent side of things but never shared what I had based my opinion on.  However I did make mention of parents bringing me their children to do Bio-Energetic testing on because the children had health issues.  However what I didn’t mention was that I’ve worked with a few adults that have shared the pain they felt as children because they were taken away from their friends.  This same pain still runs through their body at the ages of 20-30-40 and so on.  I hadn’t thought much about the impact of this until I recently was with a client and the tears came streaming down their face.

I should be clear about what I’m writing.  Although this is the impact that home schooling may have, (and by no means am I saying that this is what it’s like in all cases)  it’s also about the choices that we make on behalf of our children based on what ‘we’ as adults feel is right for a child.

So as I sit listening to the words of adults speaking with the same pain and now shame from the their past of being home schooled, there is no denying that it makes an impact on our children more so that I personally could have ever imagined.  I would have thought that home schooling would be a great option…but then again, that’s because I’m a parent.

The clients that I’ve worked with share how they started off in school and really enjoyed it and loved being with their friends but get pulled out of school after just 2-3 years and are home schooled.  Then after being away from other children for 3-4 years, arrive in high school and they have a hard time ‘fitting’ in and then get told (or labeled) that they’re ’slow.’  The mother in a couple of instances states to the child (and these memories are as fresh to these individuals as the day they happened because the pain is still very real), says that “I’m afraid that you’re going to get hurt at school and I think you’d be better off here at home with me.”

Now I’m curious if we were to ask our children if they harbored the same fears as we do, I doubt very much that we’d get a ‘yes’ from them.  I know from my own experiences with my daughter that my fears are just that…they’re mine.  She rarely shares those fears that run through my body.  Ahhh, yes – run through my body.  And there’s a very important fact.  A child doesn’t harbor fears that are the same as ours because they don’t have them running through their body and that doesn’t change – unless we start sharing our fears with them in great detail and repeating them until they go, “ya…o.k. you’re right!”

Imagine after being at home for 3-4 years and then all of a sudden you’re with 500 (or more) other kids?  How do you think that it would make you feel?  I’m thinking of it and I’m shaking my head.  So now these children do have fear running through their bodies.  The fear of making new friends.  The fear of fitting in with children that are used to being around others.  The fear of communicating with groups of other children.  The fear of going from classroom to classroom and seeing another teacher every hour for a different subject.  When you really sit down and consider what must go through a child’s body, it’s really scary.

I shared with someone today how my husband and I were considering putting our daughter in English High School.  She has been in the French school since day one and is now in grade six and next year off to the ‘big’ school.  I personally couldn’t see a benefit to changing schools.  My husband however thought that should she decided to continue her education that she would find it easier switching from an English High School to an English University.  I could see his point and decided to ask her what she thought.  Well…she was mortified.  All of my friends are going to the Carre Four.  I’m not going to the English High School.  It has nothing to do with the language and everything to do with the interactions that she has with her friends.  School is the beginning of socializing.  And if we’re not used to socializing - then what we get called is, “social misfits” and this is exactly what one of my recent clients shared with me.

As I engage more and more with clients who all were children at one point in their lives, it becomes clear to me that I must make conscious decisions when it comes to my child.  And I must include her in the decisions that will affect her life.  I also look at her as an individual and not a child. 

I spoke of this before where Meagan calls me Amy and not mom all of the time.  It allows her to see me as an individual and on the very same token, when I hear her call me Amy – it also allows me to see her as a different individual.

Our children are individuals very much the same as we are.  The only difference is their size and their experience.  However what I’ve learned now is that just because I’ve experienced something in my life one way, it doesn’t mean that her experience will be the same.  Our children need to experience things themselves just as we did once.  And even beyond that.  Our children want to experience things for themselves.  After-all, isn’t that how we live and grow?

Letting Go Of The Past AND…Growing Forward.

Amy