The great disconnect
Pondering over the thought of the great disconnect, I realize that this has become a very important subject in my life and that of others as well. It isn’t so much about the great disconnect that I focus on, rather it’s the great Connection that I focus on.
As I reflect upon my own life and that of my clients, I often hear about how ‘disconnected’ we feel and then it is usually followed by a ‘melt down.’ Well let me tell you that I’ve changed my whole language around both of these words which are nothing more than nominalizations. By changing the words or looking at them differently or looking at what is the underlying cause, things don’t seem so bad.
When it comes to being disconnected it’s not as though someone ‘out there’ has unplugged you, rather you’ve possibly pulled in towards yourself and feel (or make up the stories) that no one has been calling you, emailing you, whatever but remember that the only way to feel disconnected is by our own actions or lack there of. When I’m coaching with clients, I can’s say it enough times that I’m an email away or a phone call away. I also prefer to do a face to face follow up with clients (when at all possible) because it requires that they commit to themselves and draws them out of there possible comfort zone.
I remember throughout my life when people were reaching there hands out to me, I never wanted to take it because that would mean that, ” I may be weak, can’t do it alone, always have to depend/rely on someone else” and the list goes on. Really it doesn’t mean any of those things to me anymore and I’m clear that there was a time when it meant all of those things and more.
I’d say that for the most part of my life I have been always able to do things on my own and what I know now is that it would have been a lot easier and quicker if I had of just said, “Sure I’d love some help.” Just because we allow someone to help us out certainly doesn’t mean that we’re by any means weak or incapable. I look at it now as simply wanting to get things done sooner rather than later. As human beings we genuinely love to offer our services to others or to be there for others in some way. The difficulty we seem to have is accepting it from others. Then we start with the stories, I’m weak if I ask for help – What will they think of me if I need help. There are some really great business people in the world and it isn’t that they’re great at business, it’s that they’re great at asking for help so that they can get on with the things that are truly meaningful to them.
I recently hired a house keeper. Oh no….it’s not that I couldn’t do it on my own rather while she’s doing my house cleaning I’m able to do and create the things in my life that are more meaningful to me. Even if I didn’t have my own business I know that ‘knowing what I know now’ is that I would hire a house keeper. She does the basic stuff like vacuuming, washing the floor, dusting and just general stuff. This isn’t really a big deal however it does become very frustrating when you have a family, work full time, have children and the list is long and I’m quite clear that if you live alone and don’t have a family that you would still benefit from having someone else do the ‘mundane’ things in your life so that you can get on with your life.
I remember when I told my husband that I had hired a housekeeper. “We can do our own vacuuming and cleaning, you just need to take some Time Management course.” Ya…I was so there with that suggestion. NOT! Instead I said, “This isn’t up for discussion, I’m just sharing the information with you.” I wasn’t being rude I was just stating a fact. I wanted to spend more time creating my business in a way that was meaningful instead of working my business (life) for a few minutes and then throwing in a load of laundry – Then working for another 10-15 minutes and then vacuuming. I won’t apologize for doing what it takes for me to create what I want in my life. If it’s fun and meaningful then you want to bet that I’m there. If it’s boring and there’s no benefit to me then you want to bet that I’m not there. So…I’m not around when my house is being cleaned. I’m happy because I don’t have to do it and she’s happy because I’m paying her to do what she loves, which enables me to get paid for doing what I love. It’s simply creating the things that I want in my life. I don’t see paying someone to do my house cleaning as ’spending’ money rather I see it as a huge ‘investment’ in my life.
By creating the things that I need in my life there is less opportunity for me to become ‘disconnected.’ I only become disconnected when I don’t reach out and connect to what I need or want in my life. I have a very good friend that lives in another province (oh wait a minute I have several good friends that are in many different provinces and some within my home area) and if I want to connect with them, I simply send them and email or pick up the phone. I’m really never alone unless I choose to be. I have a very different way of thinking and a very different view of the world so if I don’t choose to connect with those individuals in my life that are like minded, then certainly I’ll become disconnected and then it may follow by a ‘melt down.’ What if the melt down is nothing more than a surge of information that’s coming fast and furious at you because you haven’t been reaching out and asking for the things that you want. When you ask for the things that you want, then the things that you need just seem to fall into place.
Letting Go of The Past AND…Growing Forward
Amy
