Are you staying present to your child?
There’s no doubt in my mind how easy it is to disconnect in a moment and not be fully present to our children. After-all, we do it to ourselves quite often and without realizing being aware of it.
Being a parent is a huge responsibility and not one to be taken lightly. How often do we jump to our children’s defence when they’re little and would go ‘into battle for them’ if that is what’s required? “I’d cut off my own arm for my child.” Wow, quite a noble gesture however in the ‘act’ of doing so, ‘Are you staying present to your child?”
Believe it or not, sometimes I’d say cutting off our arm would be an easy solution seeing that we wouldn’t have to ‘deal’ with the real issue. I know, I know, it’s a little harsh however I’m speaking based on my own personal experiences and that of individuals that I’ve worked with. Parenting is quite simple however, it isn’t always easy.
As we go into battle and be the voice for our children, I have but one question: Are you going into battle for your child to give him or her voice, or are you going into battle to fight for an old cause which is one that wasn’t dealt with for you as a child?”
I’d say that there’s one thing that the majority (if not all of us), find to be a challenge that we face not only as parents but as individuals who are constantly moving forward.
“Do we allow ourselves to be done with our past so that it doesn’t become our children’s future?”
I remember early on in my marriage being quite clear that if we were to have children that I would not tell the story of the ‘hurtful and mean’ things that people did to me as a child. I would not be responsible for being the one to plant the seeds of dislike towards others for my child by telling them of something which I experienced when I was younger. My intention was and still is to allow for our daughter to learn based on ‘her’ own experiences with individuals rather than from mine. My experiences are unique to me as are hers for herself.
Our experiences allow for us to make choices in the next breath which will have an outcome. What I know is that if I tell her the ‘story’ of one of my experiences, she may make a decision for herself based on my experience rather than her own. Our children love and trust us and they also believe what we say, so best be take a breath and allow for them to grow and expand their lives based on the choices that they make.
There are times when I as the lioness, feel the urge to go into battle for my child. What I also know is that in the next breath, I discover that I’d go into battle under false pretense, without being fully present or truthful to myself and therefore not being authentic in truly taking action on behalf of my child.
Can we as parents allow ourselves to not only be done with our past but to also remember that our past and our experiences are ours, not our children? Do we create the safe space for them to create new experiences? Or, do we impede on their personal growth by offering old stories of what was our experience, enabling the past to be projected in the future? If our past wasn’t that great, why pray-tell would we share it with our children so they can recreate and repeat history all over again?
For more information about Amy or programs and services that she offers, please feel free to contact her at 902-832-9332 or amy@thepowerlieswithin.com
