School – Making the ‘grade’…’measuring up’
There’s nothing I like more than considering things from a different perspective. Today what keeps coming into my awareness is school and the grading system. What is it really about and is it about nothing more than….’Measuring Up’ to someone else’ perspective along with fitting in and maintaining the Status Quo?
My daughter seems to feel that if she doesn’t get a certain grade/mark, than she is less than the others who have a higher mark. What kind of message are we sending our children and are the people educating them fully conscious in their own lives? Ouch! I’m not dissing all teachers because I know that there are some amazing ones out there, however I’m asking the question because I too have a school age child.
Imagine a scenario where ‘our’ children are in school all day with teachers who aren’t conscious or present to themselves? Now imagine at the end of the day when these children come home and we’re too tire to be consciously engaging with them? Now throw on top of all of that, the knowing that we haven’t a clue as to what is going on in our child’s lives all day.
Children growing mentally, physically and sexually and for the most part I’m going to make up the story that a lot of this growing goes on out of our awareness. What happens next is we wonder why our children are receiving lower grades and we only look at it from one perspective. “You’re not measuring up and you’re going to flunk the course.” Is it really about flunking the course or getting that lower grade or is it about something else?
As I engage in conversation with young adults (13-15), I become aware of how important it is for me to stay present to myself so that when my daughter comes home at the end of the day, she has someone who is connected to themselves to engage with.
I could say that I sit in disbelief by some of the things that I hear however it is not in disbelief that I hear the words flowing from the mouth of a young person. Their truth is real and sometimes it causes me to gasp and as much as I’d like to say that the gasp comes from disbelief, it doesn’t.
I view myself as being an open person and I can also share with you that I am naive as a parent to the goings on in a school.
I’m 44 years old and I do not remember high-school being as it is now. However, as I reflect upon my upbringing I easily make up the story that I was totally oblivious to what what going on all around me. In a constant state of denial is what I learned. Close your eyes to what you’re witnessing and it won’t be happening or it will go away. Oh yes!!! Pretend it didn’t happen.
If pretending that things didn’t really happen worked, why are teen suicides on the rise. As I write the words my eyes fill with tears. I must stay present to myself so that I can truly be present to my daughter.
In an abc news release, it was clear to me that our children are capable of pretending and may well be really good at it because we’ve taught them well. I am no different, in that my life has only changed during the past few years however, I am present now and am capable at making a difference in my life as well as my daughters.
Amongst some of the young people being interviewed one said, “I know that this sounds like a cliche, however she always walked around and seemed very happy.”
How often do we tell our children that we know what it’s like for them when we truly can’t unless we lived in their body?
If we were to consider a decrease in grades or marks as a signal that something has shifted in our children’s life, then maybe we could sit down and ask them if they need to talk about something. I am very clear with my daughter. If she needs to talk about something that is going on at school or in any other aspect of her life, the deal is that I listen without judgment and DO NOT COMMENT and only offer suggestions from a different perspective if it is asked of me.’
School can stress me out and I’m not even there any longer. Imagine what it’s like for our children?
As school draws to an end, the air becomes lighter and breathing is just a little bit easier.
Have a Great Year End at School.
Amy
