Growing Forward Personal Growth Services

It was about a year ago that I went through some great pain and intensity which I had no words for at that time.  I was in a program with Louise LeBrun called, “Engaging and Staying in a Tough Conversation.  Let me tell you that the pain that I experienced in those ‘tough’ conversations were real.  The pain of our past can cripple us and allow us to become very limited in our way of moving through the world.  “Keep it to yourself.  No one needs to know.  It’s really not all that big of a deal.”  If you keep it buried long enough, your secret (the ones that cause you to curl in on yourself) will be buried with you.  And that is a reality that I don’t plan on engaging in.

All this came back to me a few minutes ago when I read two of Louise’s blogs.  http://louiselebrun.wordpress.com/2008/04/24/radical-yousay/

http://www.louiselebrun.com/WomenGathering/?p=43

I was in a conversation with a client today and became shocked at the depth of our willingness to stay in situations which are volatile.  We say that we’re doing it for the good of our children when we’re doing it because of our own fear of the unknown.  What will our lives look like if I leave the person behind that I thought was….you fill in the blank?  But what do our lives look like when we choose to stay and wait it out?

I’m all too familiar with this experience in the body because I have been there.  I have used my own life as a road map to work with other women and I’m still discovering things about my own life as I engage with other women and move forward.  I’m very clear that, “This is My Life…And You Can’t Have It!”

I share my experiences with others so that they know that it’s the tough choices that we make that are the ones that will propel our lives forward. 

When I work with clients or friends for that matter, I say that I play hard ball.  And today I did and the tears revealed by my friend told me that her pain was there.  We know what it is that we have to do yet we get so involved in the stories surrounding the situation, that it’s as though we forget what it is that we have to do to go forward.  I really don’t think that we’re suckers for punishment however I know that we work with what we already know.  What we’ve been taught through the years to believe is what we have to do.  The fear of the unknown can be scary and I can tell you that it also can transform your life in seconds.

I look back through my own life and discover the intelligence behind getting caught up in the stories and in other people’s lives.  Yes, there is intelligence there.  When I was so busy and preoccupied with other people’s lives, I didn’t have time to look at my own and realize that it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.  My life wasnt bad but I’m honest enough to say that it wasn’t great either.

We try so hard to convince ourselves that our relationships are good and we get along with family just fine,  When in reality we no longer know the person that sleeps next to us and our families still see us as the same people that they grew up with. - We lay side by side and are asleep to all of the things that were and forget that somewhere along the line we stopped talking to each other about the things that are important to us.

My own life has changed quite a bit over the past 18 months and I own it to myself.  There was no one there with directions to tell me what to do however, I do now have a great friend who offers me gentle suggestions and it is of my own choosing what it is that I do with those suggestions.

I don’t tell anyone what to do in my ‘business’ because I’m quite familiar with how I used to react when people would tell me what to do.  Nasty!!!!  We are the ones that have the best advise for ourselves.  As I listen more and more to my own words, there is no way that I can stay asleep any longer to those things in my life that light me up. 

All we have to know is that, “It’s My Life….AND You Can’t Have it.”

It doesn’t have to be rude or harsh in any way.  I know that for myself it’s all about the delivery.  I don’t deliver anything that I wouldn’t want to be receiving.  And here’s the thing.  I’ve learned that it’s o.k. to say, “No.”  It’s o.k. to say, “Not interested.”  And as Louise has pointed out many times, “Sometimes we have to vote with our feet.” 

When someone is doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable, why not simple choose to not stay in the conversation and say, “ya know what, I’m not enjoying this and I really need to go for a walk.” (or whatever feels right for you).  I spoke with someone last week and her belief is that- that was just walking away and not dealing with the situation.  Well here’s the thing, if the situation is shutting you down and you’re just staying listen/watching the other person be abusive towards you(and curling in towards yourself)…thank-you very much but I’ll be voting with my feet.  “Not Interested.” 

Letting Go Of The Past AND…Growing Forward.

Amy