There are many ways to die ~ The Challenge is How to Live.
I watched a movie last week and something that one of the characters said really caught my attention. “There are many ways to die. The challenge though is how do we live.”
I can still see the character in my mind and I still feel the words vibrating through my body. My last post I wrote I said, “It’s my life …AND You Can’t Have It” and there’s a reason for that. I finally have a life of my own, not based on old beliefs. So my life is of my own creation now and I’m not willing to surrender it to anyone else to make them feel better about themselves.
I’m tired of hearing, “I’m so jealous.” Why would anyone be jealous when you can create your world however you want? It is a challenge living the way that I do because I have to stay awake and completely aware that if I’m in a state of confusion, that I’ve created it on my own. No one has offered assistance however I know that the choices that I make each and everyday create my world so it’s important for me to choose what feels right for me. Not what feels right for you. So simply put in a everyday life scenario, it would be not responding to an email that didn’t make you feel great when you read it. Look at it and see what information it has to offer you and then…press delete. when the phone rings and you don’t feel like talking to someone at that point, don’t pick up the phone.
It’s simple. Only do what is meaningful or fun because otherwise rest assured that you create an outcome for yourself that will probably suck! Sooo, don’t be jealous just don’t choose things that will create a sucky day. 
So here I am with all of my imperfections and warts (thanks Louise), and I’m not here for anyone else but me. I blog and share my discoveries about myself and things that happen around me. Some times I word things in a way that people say, “That’s not proper English.” Guess what? When I wrote it, maybe I just wasn’t feeling that ‘proper.’ Sometimes I make spelling mistakes (thanks Maureen) and guess what? It’s not about the spelling mistakes for me. for me it’s about stepping out of my comfort zone and being seen for who I am. With all my warts and imperfections, with improper grammar/improper spelling and so one. And it’s not about any of that.
I used to worry so much about what other people thought of me and I realize now that I slowed myself down, contorted myself into a pretzel for others and then got pissed because they didn’t see what I had done for them. Why? Because they never asked me to do any of it. I made up stories about why I was doing it, AND…that is not living. Let me tell you an authentic story of what happened on my way driving my daughter to school last week.
It was heavy traffic and I saw this man wanting to get out of the apartment parking lot. I look in my rear view mirror and the traffic is lined up as far as I can see. I look in front of me and see the same thing. So I thought (the intellect just kicked in and that my dear friend is when being genuine gets put aside), I better let him in cause no one else will. And so I did. AND…he didn’t even say thank-you. No nod, no wave of the hand and I was pissed and verbalized it. “Hey buddy, (talking out loud to myself in the car as my daughter watched and listen…very educational don’t you think? ) I didn’t let you in because I had to, I let you in because I wanted to. As the words came out of my mouth I turned to my daughter with big eyes and said, “ooohhh, that was a lie.” She looked at me and said, “What do you mean?” Here’s the thing. If I honestly wanted to let him in, I wouldn’t have been looking for a ‘thank-you’ and…I wouldn’t have been bitching about the fact that there was no acknowledgement.
So living is a challenge and it’s one that I’m up to. And I’m aware that my life is of my choosing. So today I made a little list of things that I’d like to do - fully aware that I can change my mind at any point should those things become no longer fun or meaningful for me. I stop, ponder and then choose what I’m going to do. And I do it based on my own needs/wants, not someone else’s. You have your own life and I don’t need to make my choices based on my perception of your life…AND I don’t expect anyone to make their choices based on their perception of my life. I’ll live my life of my choosing and I’d suggest that you do the same.
Letting Go Of The Past AND…GROWING FORWARD
Amy
